(^・ω・^=)~ But of course!
A Journey’s End
I know I don’t post here but I feel like it is necessary to blog my thoughts and feelings. I hope the choice I made was the right one and if some how it wasn’t then it should be corrected. It was good run and the best relationship I’ve ever had considering the few I’ve had before. For the most part I feel as though I’m the one to blame for holding back my fading feelings. It’s like I had the spark but did not know what to do with it for the longest time, instead just playing it off as if I knew what I was doing. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed every moment and memory because looking back at past pictures and mementos, I felt the sense of happiness that came out of it and in the end just makes me tear up.
What makes me feel like it’s my fault is that somehow she felt the same from day one and kept going at it as if it was still day one. I, on the other hand, just slowly started to die down and question myself a bit. In a way, I felt a little bit more obligated at times to be a boyfriend than to want to be one since she needed me a lot more than I needed her. To be honest, I don’t think that was right for me, I was basically prolonging something that would eventually get worse if I had kept it to myself. The strangest thing though, I find myself crying more after the fact than when the breakup was happening. The first picture she ever gave me rests on the corner edge of my broken pc monitor, I marvel at how beautiful she looks and I read the note she put last minute before giving it to me saying “Haha, here’s my helle photoshopped senior picture. For a very special someone :) <3” I personally did not think that was photoshopped, she was just insecure of her beauty. It makes me feel good to know that I was special to someone.
Hell… I really do think I’m the one to blame. I started to not really enjoy holding hands because her hands were so much smaller and I knew the quickest way to make her smile and be happy is being able to hold my hand. What kind a sick person am I to not want to hold hands with someone I love? It was not fair for her, she did not deserve any of this, she gave 110% while I only gave 90%. She deserves better with all the pain and hurt she has gone through. I did ask her to promise me to still be my friend no matter what and if somehow old sparks grew again that there is a possibility of still getting back together but for the meantime and long run, I still want to be her good friend that she can still go to if she ever needed something or someone to rant to. All I have to say is when she finds someone, (I know she will) that they treat her with way more damn love than I could have given her. In the end, we both learned a lot from each other which is much better than not having learned anything. I will NEVER throw away the things you gave me and the lessons you’ve taught me.
Finally, I am finished with creating my Mega Man arcade stick. I really like how it turned out and I put some serious hours to make it the best I can. I feel so tempted to make all sorts of arcade sticks in the summer, they’re fun to make.
[Flash 10 is required to watch video]
alternate summary for one direction
I should show this to my coworkers at starbucks who love One Direction, especially Kat.
